Day 076-2 (F, 120316) — Phun with Paleo Prophets and Purity

Leaders of the Paleo/Primal Community.  Here is a great list of experts from the paleo/primal community.  It includes all the Big Names in paleo history and a bunch of other folks who, while they maybe not paleo/primal, can be sources of good information

Mark Sisson, Robb Wolf, Gary Taubes, Kurt Harris, Lyle McDonald, Robert Lustig, and a few dozen more.  Each name is followed by a brief summary of the person’s contribution to the movement.

The original list did not include links to the websites (or related material).  I’ve taken the liberty of adding them in this recitation of her list.  I hope you find it useful.

Here’s the list, stripped down to just the names, with added links, still in her original categories:

THE BEST SELLERS

THE ORIGINAL BIG THREE BLOGS

THE OTHER MEDICAL DOCTORS

THE NON-PALEO NUTRITION SMARTIES

THE OTHER PhDs

THE INTERESTING BLOGGERS

THE HALL OF FAMERS

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Finding The Answer.  The other day, I linked to a post which suggested that maybe, just maybe, Primal/Paleo was not the end-all, be-all answer for everyone.

Now that we have THE LIST of people to read, I, of course have done exactly that: I’ve read every word ever written by every single one of those experts* (some of those emails, texts, and absent-minded doodles got a bit racy, lemme tell ya!).

I come before you today to announce that I have found The Answer.  Here is everything you will ever need to know about how to be healthy:

Look, either you eat only plants, or you eat only animal flesh, or you eat an omnivorous diet. That’s how it works in the wild. If you are having problems with zero carb it’s because you are not adapted yet.  No, I don’t want to hear how long you tried it, I don’t believe you, maybe you accidentally had some coconut milk or other dangerous carbs.

Ketosis is perfect state of metabolism and there is no way it could cause issues.

Because these foods aren’t like they were in the paleolithic, we definitely shouldn’t eat them. They’ve been bred to be different! Cows, however, definitely are exactly the same as they were in the paleolithic.  I get all my meat from aurochs.

I didn’t read it, but there is this study that fed chihuahuas 50 kilograms of potatoes a day. They all got fat and died. Carbs cause obesity, potatoes cause death.

While all large population studies showing meat is bad are totally invalid, there is a large population study showing peppers cause brain kittens.  It is true.

I don’t eat plants because Owsley Stanley told me not to. He made 5 million hits of acid, so he knows more about chemistry than you do.

The Paleolithic forged healthy and strong human beings and eliminated the disease prone and weak from the gene pool.  Yes, you unnecessarily give that wonderful era a bad name.

My favorite paleo guru is very smart. Therefore his endorsement means more to me than any facts you present, because really with my 6th grade science education, I can’t evaluate anything myself.  And anyway, you’ve never suffered from polymetabolic diabetic thigh syndrome like I have, so whatever you write is irrelevant.

Read Vilhjalmur Stefansson.  His decades of experiments with all-meat diets show that meat is all we need and totally justify my diet of only steak and bacon.  Anyone who says the Inuit ate plants must have encountered tribes that had been tricked into eating them.

No animal on earth eats or drinks milk of other animals. Nor do they wear pants.  Which is why I am gonna troll your blog without any pants on.

My wife’s saliva contains lecithin, which is why I never kiss her.  Besides, the last time I went to the doctor, she was so excited to see my muscle tone that she decided to divorce her husband. Have you heard that my blood numbers are astounding? Clearly, my diet must be the diet for everyone.

So there it is.  Now you know The Truth™.

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