Toots. Toot. Poot. Fart. Gas. Wind. Flatulence. Prerequisite for a Dutch Oven. “The elephant under my chair.”
It doesn’t matter what you call it, gastrointestinal gasses are a fact of life we all deal with but rarely mention.
Everyone has it. Most people think they have too much of it. And passing gas in the wrong place at the wrong time can cause great embarrassment.
Flatulence is the state of having excessive stomach or intestinal gas. This can result in uncomfortable feelings of bloating, as well as increased belching or passing of gas from the rectum.
Most people produce about 1-3 pints a day and pass gas about 14 times a day. Flatulence itself, although not life threatening, can definitely cause social embarrassment.
Rather than embarrassment, if you get good enough at it, you can even make it a profession.
Causes. Most of us know of certain (suspected) causes: beans, broccoli, Brussels sprouts, cauliflower, cabbage, sauerkraut, kimchi, onions, radishes, fructose, lactose intolerance, cheese, sugar alcohols, fat, carbonated drinks, not enough fiber, too much fiber, some medicines (e.g. laxatives), some diseases (e.g. IBS) . . . .
Conditions? One thing I have noticed during my time on a slow carb diet (as I define it: Atkins + beans – cheese) is that Beano does a pretty good job of handling the bean-related issues.
Strangely, though, my most, um, intense periods of, um, extra propulsion, seem to be on Free Days.
When I eat anything I want, things get wild . . . in a bad way. Both, er, volume and, um, intensity, ratchet up several notches.
Has anyone else noticed a similar trend?
Anybody else find that eating high-protein, low carb, and beans tends to produce less and less virulent flati than high-carb, high sugar, foods?
And a little comedy gold from George Carlin:
South Park . . . “Ok. Now it’s funny again.”: Farting on Kyle
And another South Park . . . the funniest scene ever on TV: That’s No Hemorrhoid
And, of course, Family Guy:
- Heel Touches (135): 135
- Pulse Ups (111): 111
- Leg Over Crunches (129): 130
- Alternating Crunches (99): 100
10 rounds. I’ll post a review when I am done.
Update. Total time — 10:39.
My abs are killing me. I guess that, much like running, ab/core exercises are one of those things I really should do. It’s just that I really hate them. Not as much as being upside down, but still, they suck a bunch. Blech.
I worked out fasted again today. I really don’t think it makes a big difference to my performance.
Plan for Week 35.